Discipling Our Children

One of the interesting observations of Dr. Eric Hallett’s presentation in this lesson is that the Amish are the fastest-growing Christian group in the United States. It raises a serious question about the trend toward post-Christendom in the West. To what extent is the shift toward post-Christendom a result of us failing to disciple our children?

An argument could be made that the single greatest reason why Christianity grew to become such a powerful force in the Roman Empire was not for either of the more sensational reasons we might prefer to highlight. The evidence does not seem to indicate that the early church was known for its evangelistic fervor. Nor does its witness during persecution seem to account most strongly for its growth. 

The church arguably grew the most because Christians had children – and they discipled them so that they grew up to believe too.

Here are some ways that Christian parents can disciple their children toward faith. Remember, it is ultimately their decision. God does not force anyone to believe in him. But we do play a central role in fostering faith.

1. Model Faith

Perhaps the most important way that we can foster faith in our children is to model it. If we do not practice what we preach, we are only telling our children that faith is fake. If we talk one way on Sunday and then live another during the week, we are only telling our children that Christianity is false. If we treat them and others badly, why would they think Christianity amounts to anything?

On the other hand, if our faith is genuine, if our love for them and others is clear, they are more likely to believe. If our children see us praying regularly and meaning it, if they see that worshiping in a community of faith is important to us, they are more likely to pray and long for a community of faith too. There is no absolute guarantee of faith, and there are plenty of children who grow up to have faith despite poor role models. But we dare not perform this experiment on our children.

2. Instill Faith Practices

As we saw from Newbigin in the previous Lesson, evangelical Christianity can have a tendency to downplay the forms of Christianity. However, as human beings, symbol, ritual, and story are incredibly powerful. Long after someone has walked away from faith, a song can trigger memories of faith. Actions can trigger the muscle memories of faith even when our minds have turned away.

When we are children, we do not yet understand the intellectual claims of Christianity. But our subconscious minds are forming habits. The practice of prayer and Scripture reading shapes us long before we know what it means. The regular act of going to church shapes us, even if we might not want to get dressed and go out on a Sunday morning. If we wait to start building faith until our children can understand, we are well over a decade late. Their subconscious habits and patterns are already formed and have been formed for a very long time.

We should reckon with the challenges of discipleship in the modern world. Our children are at school for six or more hours each day. We may take them to church for one or two hours on Sunday and perhaps one or more hours during the week. Let’s say we have an hour or two’s worth of devotional time with them a week. Our five or less hours are up against the thirty or more hours they may be in the world. 

That’s quite a time differential. Again, we dare not fail to disciple them. Their views of the world and their way of life is being shaped in ways of which we are not even aware. This is why many Christian parents homeschool or put their children in Christian schools. Even here, though, we can hardly insulate them from the influence of internet, media, and the world. They will face the world eventually, one way or another.

3. Ongoing Conversations

The discussions we have together are far more formative than most of us realize. Where do children learn prejudice and racism? These things are far more “caught” than “taught.” “I didn’t teach them that!” we might say. But it is possible we did without even knowing it.

The things we talk about have an impact on our children. The way we talk about things has an impact on our children. Are we positive? Are we full of faith and hope? Are we pessimistic and defeatist? Do we talk about people behind their backs. We are training our children with our idle words.

Each of our children has a unique personality. For some reason, some will want to take the opposite side of whatever we say. Others would blindly believe us if we told them the moon was made of cheese. Let’s pray for discernment on how to disciple each child as an individual. Some may not be ready for hard issues or may need simplified answers. Others may need to face them head on and may be able to handle complex arguments. We should pray for the Lord to help us know how best to disciple each one.

Of all these suggestions, modeling faith is the most important. Though I have all knowledge, if I do not have love, it is meaningless (cf. 1 Cor. 13:1-3). It is not crucial that I have all the answers – in fact humility and honesty about what you do not know is a virtue. The steady firmness of our faith as parents – a team effort – is far more important than having all the answers.