Gentleness and Respect

While you often hear 1 Peter 3:15 quoted with regard to giving arguments, it is less common to hear the last part of the verse, which says to give your testimony “with gentleness and respect.” The personality that likes to have intellectual arguments is sometimes less gifted when it comes to interpersonal relationships and being sensitive to the feelings of others. Yet intellectual arguments alone rarely bring someone to Christ. It can happen, but it is a minority report.

As Daniel Siegel has shown, our convictions flow more from the lower, more emotional parts of our brains to the more cognitive areas. Is not this what Jesus was saying in Mark 7:20 when he said that who we are flows from the heart outward? Similarly, Jonathan Haidt has likened our reason to someone riding an elephant, where the elephant symbolizes our deeper intuitions and feelings. Our reason likes to think it is steering the elephant, but to a larger extent than most of us would like to admit, it’s more often deeper dynamics that are driving our intellectual directions, often without us fully being aware of these drives and desires.

Haidt sees the most effective persuasion taking place in our relationships, as we relate to each other “rider to rider.” If others find who we are attractive, they may, at some point, give us the keys to talk about God. This is not usually a matter of a chance encounter at a supermarket. You may not get a truly open door to share until you have been in a no-strings-attached relationship for years. 

Anyone can talk to a closed door. You can talk to the door all you want and maybe even feel good about it. You can give the closed door all sorts of very intellectual arguments. You’ve said your peace. It’s just not very effective communication until someone opens their door to you and is actually willing to listen. It’s their choice, not yours.

Dr. Blehm notes that our beliefs about such important matters as God and religion are usually “emotionally tagged.” That means there is a whole lot of “gut” invested in them. You’re probably not going to lead most people to Christ in one conversation. The Holy Spirit is going to have to do a lot of prep work. And your relational investment in the person will be crucial – not treating them as a project or a check box but genuine care and concern for them.

In its original context, 1 Peter 3:15 was not on offence. The context is being on trial for one’s faith. It is much more about testimony than argument. It is a context where you are under fire and may even be on a path to lose your life because of following Christ. Even in such a context, Peter says to respond with gentleness and respect, even in the face of hostility. And Peter did so himself before Nero had him crucified.