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Communication Styles
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Communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. Understanding your and your partner's communication styles can set the foundation for effective communication throughout your marriage. Let's look at four primary styles of communication.
Passive Communication
- Characteristics: Avoids confrontation, submissive, often feels overwhelmed
- Scripture Reflection: Proverbs 15:1, "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."
- Expert Take: Dr. Gary Chapman says, "Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another."
Assertive Communication
- Characteristics: Expresses needs clearly, respectful, confident
- Scripture Reflection: Ephesians 4:25, "Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor..."
- Expert Take: Dr. John Gottman advises, "Knowing one another is the foundation of a strong, healthy relationship."
Aggressive Communication
- Characteristics: Dominating, disrespectful, often interrupts
- Scripture Reflection: James 1:19, "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;"
- Expert Take: Dr. Emerson Eggerichs reminds us that respect is as crucial to men as love is to women.
Passive-Aggressive Communication
- Characteristics: Indirect, avoids responsibility, often sarcastic
- Scripture Reflection: Colossians 3:8, "But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth."
- Expert Take: Dr. Les Parrott mentions, "Conflict is the price we pay for a deeper level of intimacy."
Self-Assessment Table: What's Your Style?
| Your Actions During Conflict | Passive | Assertive | Aggressive | Passive-Aggressive |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| I tend to avoid the issue altogether. | ✓ | |||
| I express my thoughts and feelings clearly. | ✓ | |||
| I raise my voice or use strong body language. | ✓ | |||
| I make sarcastic or indirect remarks. | ✓ | |||
| I feel like I'm not being heard. | ✓ | |||
| I actively listen to my partner's perspective. | ✓ | |||
| I interrupt my partner while they're speaking. | ✓ | |||
| I give the silent treatment. | ✓ |
*Each checkmark represents a tendency or behavior typical of that communication style. Where are you?