Premarital Counseling: The Unified Front: Fortifying Parental Unity in Decision-Making

"I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in mind and thought."

1 Corinthians 1:10

In a world where children are natural experts at "divide and conquer," it's paramount for parents to stand united. A unified front doesn't just protect you from child-induced chaos; it enhances marital relations and sets an example of stability for your children. But what does a "unified front" look like in real life? Let’s explore this concept a little, providing tangible scenarios where unity in decision-making becomes invaluable some helpful takeaways.

The "Can I Stay Up Late?" Scenario

Imagine your 10-year-old wants to stay up an hour past bedtime to watch a special TV show. You say yes, thinking it's a one-time event. However, your spouse, unaware of this concession, insists that bedtime rules shouldn't be bent. The next day, your child now sees an opportunity to leverage one parent against the other for future late-night endeavors.

Takeaway: Always consult with your partner about bending rules, even if they seem minor. Kids are keen observers and will quickly learn how to exploit inconsistencies between parents.

The Discipline Dilemma

You're a fan of time-outs; they're effective and non-punitive. Your spouse believes in restricting privileges like screen time. One Saturday, your daughter refuses to clean her room. You give her a time-out. Later, your spouse finds out and feels that losing screen time would have been more effective.

Takeaway: Discuss and agree upon disciplinary measures in advance. A consistent approach not only avoids confusion but also strengthens the parental unit.

Financial Matters: The "Can I Have?" Question

Your son asks for a high-priced toy. You feel it's too expensive and say no. Your spouse, however, thinks it's educational and worth the price, saying yes. Your child is pleased but also learns that asking one parent might yield a different result than asking the other.

Takeaway: Big decisions, especially financial ones, should be made jointly. Keep an open line of communication about such matters, ensuring you're both on the same page before giving an answer.

Education Choices

Whether it's a decision about moving to a better school district or enrolling your child in extracurricular activities, both parents should be in agreement. Suppose one parent prioritizes academic rigor while the other values a well-rounded education that includes sports and arts. Striking a balance is essential.

Takeaway: Communication is key. Regular discussions about your child's education can preempt disagreements and ensure a unified front.

Parenting is a team sport, requiring both players to communicate, strategize, and—most importantly—present a unified front. Through open communication and predetermined strategies, you can fortify your parental unity, benefiting not just your children, but also your marital relationship.

Conversations for Couples: Fortifying Unity

In your own upbringing, what disciplinary methods did your parents use? Were they effective? How do you feel about implementing similar or different methods in your future family?

Set aside time for a hypothetical "parenting strategy session." While you may not have children yet, this exercise will help you start thinking about how you'll present a unified front when you do. Discuss and document how you'd handle these scenarios and revisit these notes when you actually become parents.